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Welcome to the Monster Club

October 12, 2023

REWARD! Last night, The Incredible Steve attended an off-campus party where his penis was lost. He just wants it back, so his family is offering a $10,000 REWARD for its safe return, no questions asked. Please contact the Godolkin Daily Classifieds Office or the Lost-and-Found Desk at the Godolkin Student Union.

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God U.

Congratulations! You have been chosen for admission to Godolkin University! We're thrilled to be a part of your journey to discovering what kind of super you are! Since its founding in 1965, God U has produced some of the best and brightest superheroes the world has ever known, including three members of The Seven! And who knows? Maybe you'll be next!

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First Day

The Godolkin University Mental Health Hotline would like to remind students at this difficult time that you are not alone. You might be bulletproof on the outside, but you're not on the inside. Our caring staff is trained to deal with the specific emotional needs of superheroes and they're here to help you. If you need to talk to someone, help is just a phone call or vMessage away. #GodUCares

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#ThinkBrink

You're invited to the #ThinkBrink Memorial Gala and Fundraiser tonight at Godolkin University! Make sure to dress your best when the doors open at 7PM and you hit the red carpet! Then join the world's hottest superheroes and celebrities for selfies and complimentary champagne, and enjoy a touching tribute video to the legendary Professor Brinkerhoff, featuring A-Train, The Deep, and Polarity!

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The Whole Truth

The Godolkin University Police Department is seeking any information on the person or persons who violated the Polarity statue in the groin/genital area last night outside the School of Crimefighting. If you have any information, please contact @GodUPD.

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Welcome to the Monster Club

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Jumanji

The Godolkin University School of Crimefighting is excited to announce its newest course offering: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SUPERVILLAINS! By studying the most well-known example of a supervillain, Soldier Boy, the course will investigate what makes a superhero go bad, from their flawed origin story, to the vices and moral compromises that lead them astray! Space is limited! Sign up today!

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Sick

Calling all God U #Hometeamers! Today we’re protesting Socialist Victoria Neuman’s town hall on campus! Let’s show Neuman and her Supe-hating woke mob that we won’t put up with their anti-Superhero agenda! THEY WILL NOT CONTROL US! #MakeAmericaSuperAgain #SupeLivesMatter

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Guardians of Godolkin

If you or a human loved one have been injured or killed while working at Godolkin University, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Hundreds of human employees have been victimized by Godolkin students, but the law offices of Bremmer & Bremmer have won them millions in personal injury and wrongful death lawsuits. Contact us for a free consultation at 1-888-177-2774. Know your rights!